I started drinking on Friday night. It’s now Sunday. SUNDAY. And I am still dying. 

Now I get that I am now older than I used to be. Ya know, drinking a bottle of vodka, neat, at an under 18s disco then getting up the next day to have a great day out at Claire’s accessories and maccies with your mates. And you’d feel fine! But come on! I’m 26! If this gets worse I might have to go T Total! 

It started on Friday night. A bottle and a half of prosecco and a bottle of Aldi’s spiced rum down and I was away. You know your in a bad way when to start playing The Pogues – Fairy tale of New York At 1am in July. I did the normal of half washing your face, brushing your teeth and attempting to strip off without breaking your legs. I even made sure I had plenty of water. Then fell asleep in my little drunken ball. 

Saturday morning and I wake up feeling ok. Yes I am back. I’m back to 16 years old and I’m ready to go. I make the rounds of coffee for everyone, clean up the front room and make the bacon. God knows you need bacon the next day. 

Half an hour after eating, a demon woke within me. The strength I had in the morning was sucked out of my body. The hangover was on a delayed reaction. It slipped on in like a serpent, making me become possessed with satan. 

The headache started.

The tiredness kicked in.

The sickness began. 

Is this now an age thing? Where I just teases you into thinking your bad decisions have paid off? But then it hits you full force with the taste of regret?

I had to spread eagle my sofa. Drinking ice cold milkshakes. Watching episodes of goosebumps and horrible histories. I lay in that position for a good few hours until I finally dragged my sorry ass to bed for a nap. 

Upon awaking I felt ok. Yes a little delicate but no where near as bad as before then nap. I made my way to the only place that will make me feel remotely happy when hungover. KFC. Stuffed my face full of fried chicken then began to have a cheeky hair of the dog. 

Bad idea. It doesn’t work. It smells like your burps and it instantly makes you feel like shit. 

My liver started kicking my spinal cord and I ended up in bed at 10pm. Sunday has been the same. All I want to do is sleep and eat. 

Why is this happening? Is this a thing that happens to all older people? Do we just become unable to drink anymore? 

I’m sad and I need nuggets and Disney movies. 

Until next weekend my babies, when work sucks and wine helps! 

Remember that I love you 

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